Scary

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

I can't help but feel disappointed but sadly this is probably true.

Nosey

By now I imagine you are all thinking what hope is there for the children of the world if they are being exposed to such horrific programmes as '...Night Garden?'
Thank god that you were never exposed to such horrific nightmares, warping your fragile, childlike minds. At least you had the opportunity to grow up normally, free from anything that might cause you lasting mental damage, right?

Wrong. There is a good chance that you have simply managed to block these memories out and right now you are living in a state of denial. Here, for example is a clip from a show that used to be on when I was little. I think it may go some way to explaining how I became the man I am today.

Here we go!

There was a scary moment the other day when I logged on to the vampire game and took a look at my character. If anyone signs up for a vampire using my link then they go on to my list of vampires I have sired. Somebody is obviously trying to scare me because they have signed up with the name 'Makka Pakka' which means being greeted by the words 'Makka Pakka has drunk three pints of blood.'
Which, thinking about it could well explain a lot. He does have the cold dead eyes of a killer after all.

But finally the moment you have waited... oooh, minutes for I imagine, is here because some sadistic bastard has actually put an 'In the Night Garden' clip up on Youtube.
Be afraid...



Weird, huh?
What's even weirder is that the guy narrating it is none other than Derek Jacobi. SIR freakin' Derek Jacobi, who is clearly slumming it at the moment since his 'I Claudius' and 'Cadfael' days.

Anyway, here is a link to the song because I know you love it so- Altogether now:
Makka Pakka
Akka Wakka
Mikka Makka Moo...

Lazy Days

Apologies for my lack of recent blogging. It's purely down to lazyness I'm afraid and a slightly annoying online game called 'Robobeasts.'
Anyway now I'm back I shall have to make it up to you all with a really good post. I'll need to find something so amazing you'll be blown away.

But what could possibly live up to the wait...

Life On Mars

The last episode of Life on Mars is on tonight. This has easily been one of the best series on tv at the moment so I'm hoping it manages to end on a high.
If you haven't seen it the series follows policeman Sam Tyler, who is hit by a car and wakes up to find himself in 1973.



This is the setup for Sam's modern by the book policing culture clash with his bigoted, sexist and cynical 70's counterparts. The character of DCI Gene Hunt that Sam finds himself working under is fantastic. A right bastard while still being somehow likeable. There have been rumours of a spin off series featuring Hunt which could be great but I'm not too sure how well the character will work without the relationship with Sam Tyler.
As if this wasn't bad enough Sam also starts to hear the voices of the doctors tending to his comatose body in the present day. Tonight we should find out if he really has somehow gone back in time or if he is actually in 1973 but completely mad, hearing voices and thinking he is from the future (or any number of bizarre theories flying around).

While it is a shame that this is ending after only two series in a way this could be a blessing as it means the series doesn't have the chance to go downhill.

Here is a clip of one of my favourite parts of the show-
The doctors get Sam's medication wrong in the present day causing his 1973 self to start hallucinating. When Sam wakes up he sees himself as a character from the 70's children show Camberwick Green. Classic.



"Stay out of Camberwick Green." has to be one of the best lines in anything ever.

Geek God

I'm not sure what the collective noun is for a gathering of geeks, but that's what I was a part of last Thursday when I went with Redrawn and Rhub to the Prince Charles Cinema in London.


Director and (occasional) comicbook writer Kevin Smith was giving a Question and Answer session at the cinema. We arrived at the venue at about 5.30 and even though the doors didn't open until 7pm there was already a que of people beginning to stretch down the street.

The man himself arrived on stage in his Silent Bob coat and proceeded to chat to the audience for nearly 4 hours. He could have clearly gone on longer but the cinema staff were dropping hints that they wanted to go home, the spoilsports. There were three microphones set up that the audience could line up at in order to ask a question which Smith would then answer with a variety of anecdotes.

The audience spent most of the evening creased up in laughter as Smith touched on a variety of topics from British Porn, Angela Lansbury (sometimes linking the two. He had a bit of an obsession with Bedknobs and Broomsticks) and the strange and disturbing lives of his dogs to Jason Mewes' addiction to police procedural tv programmes (Apparently he can't stop watching Columbo and Murder She Wrote) and why his parties aren't as popular as Johnny Depp's.

So I owe a huge 'thank you' to Redrawn for getting the tickets to such a great event especially as these Q&A sessions sell out so quickly. We will have to keep an eye out for the next one...

More Weirdness

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Only 40%? I guess egg shells don't rate too highly on the weirdometer.

The Six Weird Things... Thing.

A while ago Aliemalie asked me to come up with six weird things about myself, so here goes-

1) Eggs
They scare me. Is that weird enough for you? Actually that's not entirely true; it's really the shells- I can't bare to touch them. The texture of an egg shell just makes my skin crawl. The fact that they normally feel cold only adds to this.
Unfortunately for me I love the taste of eggs, so if you ever want to get on my good side make me an omelette but don't show me the shells. I'm like someone who likes eating meat but doesn't want to know how that meat made it to their dinner plate.
It all stems from the fact that I used to earn money boxing up and selling eggs. I think that all those years of having to handle eggs must have triggered some weird kind of overdose.

2) Superstitions
I'm heavily superstitious. For some reason this always seems to surprise people when they find this out about me. While I am completely aware of how irrational it is to believe in superstitions I can't help but think it doesn't hurt to cover yourself- just in case.
The one that really surprises people is the fact that I think it is bad luck to pass someone on the stairs. People normally think I'm just making that one up, but it is a real one. It's even on Wikipedia if you don't believe me.

3) Repetition
This really freaks me out and is probably why I have never liked dance music.
I don't know why but any repetitive sound or even just somebody saying the same phrase over and over again really bothers me.
When GF was still a tiny baby, if she suddenly started to have a good cry the mother-out-law would say, "What are you doing? Are you pinching her bum? Pinching her bum? Squawk! Pinching her bum?" which really started to get on my nerves. Okay, you are probably thinking that the parrot impersonation might be a bit of an exageration but you would be wrong. Even now people will say that phrase to wind me up and whenever I hear it you can visibly see me tense up.

4) Numbers
Show me a page of numbers and I'll show you a man about to drift in to a coma. You only need to start talking about numbers to me and my mind automatically switches off. Numbers fascinate me but at the same time I just fail to get any particular grasp on them.
Once, when I was ill I had a nightmare that was just a blue screen with a load of numbers floating repetitively across it, thus incorporating two of my least favourite things.

5) Repetition
This really freaks me out and is... oh. I'll start again.

5) Nails
I can't stand people touching my nails. I also don't like feeling other peoples nails and the image of a nail breaking makes me cringe. For some strange reason I've had a couple of women comment that they wish they had nails like mine. I don't know why- It's not as if I have ever looked after them.
Many years ago I was sat with my arm around my then girlfriend at a mates house. The friend saw my hand but thought it was hers, made a comment about how lovely her hand looked and then went to stroke it. Not too weird then.

Below is a re-enactment of that day. The parts of those involved are being portrayed by actors-


Early attempts to set up 'The League of Pirate Librarians' were met with a disappointing lack of success.

I am sat here looking at my hands and I can't see it.

6) Clothes
Spider said I had to include this one, so here it is- Continuing the embarassingly girly theme- I have more clothes than she does (although I feel I should make it clear that she does have more shoes than me).